This week has just been very heavy for me. There are 4-5 people issues that are weighty. Some are church related, and some personal. Some issues related and some health. I'm tired. I'm a task guy and so when I get too much people stuff going on at once it really taxes my system. Brian is getting worse - I have seen him every day this week except today. I'm trying to draft a letter for him to sign making his wishes known for his kids after he's gone. He's been reluctant to do anything like that until now. His response to faith issues continues to be "I'm not ready..." He doesn't have much more time to get ready.
I have felt for a long time that I don't like delineating between minister and person. I know some pastors who view ministry as their "job" but that their personal time is their personal time - and that they are "off duty." I have a hard time with that. And honestly - I don't think I want that. I understand boundaries and saying no to things and making sure family is a priority and all that stuff. But it seems to me that when I signed up for this - when I responded to God's prompting in my heart to become a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ - that it was far more than a career move. It is a life - it is a mission - it is everything I have all the time - when I feel like it or not. I don't see any of God's chosen messengers in the Bible being on and off duty. This week and during most difficult weeks - during my private times with God in the evenings - I find that He graciously refreshes my calling. I have spent a lot of that time this week being reminded by God of the early moments in my commitment to ministry. My heart that beat fast for people and seeing the blinders come off one person at a time. My pace that quickened because I was convinced that God's kingdom could actually be lived out in the local church and could actually have a history-altering impact on the world. That's what keeps me going during heavy weeks.