Daddy Christmas Tips

With Christmas fast approaching, families can get caught up in the craziness along with the rest of the world. As a dad I can find myself being reactive and not proactive when it comes to making the season meaningful and memorable for my family. Mark Driscoll had a great blog post with some ideas for dads this Christmas - I picked my favorite three and then included the link for the other 13.

1. Dad needs to give experiences and not just gifts. Dad, what special memories can you make this holiday season?
2. Dad needs to ensure his family is giving generously during the holidays. Dad, who in need is your family going to adopt and bless?
3. Dad needs to carve out time for sacred events and experiences to build family traditions that are fun and point to Jesus. Dad, is your calendar ready for December?
   

Check out the rest of them here

Why Remembering is Important on Memorial Day

My grandfather’s name was Jack. I didn’t call him grandpa, I called him Jack. Even his own children (he had 6) weren’t allowed to call him “dad” until they were grown and out of the house. And so when they were at the beach or at the store or in the neighborhood and they wanted to get his attention, they didn’t yell for dad, they yelled “Jack,” so that he looked like one of the brothers and not the father.

Jack was a man of few words, and most of those words would not be appropriate for me write here! I didn’t know Jack deeply. What I knew of him was that he was hardened and somewhat distant. He was stubborn and opinionated. He didn’t like to be around people much and he certainly didn’t trust them, he kept his distance. He kept the thermostat in his home set at 60 degrees in the winter and he hated dogs and sauerkraut.

I found out as I got older that there were some events in Jack’s life that factored in to these personal traits. In 1945, Jack was flying a bombing mission over Germany, when his plane was shot down behind enemy lines. He was captured by enemy soldiers and taken to a small cell where he was kept as a P.O.W. He fought and survived. And fortunately the war ended while he was in prison and he was released to come home.

Our country was built on courage and strength of men and women like my grandfather. If Jack hadn’t been so courageous and strong, I literally wouldn’t be here because he wouldn’t have come home and wouldn’t have conceived my father and on and on. I can make that connection directly, but the connection is there indirectly for all of us. What if at some key moment in our history as a country, our troops had failed? What would it be like in America? Would you and I even be sitting here?

I'm disappointed in myself because I rarely think about what Jack did. I’m forgetful. My very existence was threatened by one key point in his history and because of his survival, I’m here. And I hardly ever think about that. We are a forgetful people. That’s why it is important for us to designate days and holidays to help us remember. Today is one of those days.

There are many examples in scripture of God using days, and markers, and holidays and festivals to help people remember important parts of their heritage. Like a string on a finger, God reminds us to remember. God created our brains so that we can tuck away memories. And then in an evocative way, in an instant as we remember, we are able to bring the past into the present and to live deeply in it. Remembering the past should do three things for us:

1. It should force us to live in reality. We have a tendency to sugar coat the past or forget it all together. But truly remembering will ground us and center us and remind us of what is really going on.
2. It should lead us to gratitude. My blessings as a Christian and as an American are so deep and so rich that my heart should be filled with gratefulness. Emerson said that if the stars came out only once a year, everyone would stay up all night to behold them. But we have seen stars so often that we don't bother to look at them anymore. We have grown accustomed to our blessings.
3. It should move us toward faith. God has allowed us to move through difficulties as a nation much like he has to many of us as individuals. Just as He has been faithful in the past - He will continue to be faithful. That should inspire faith in us.

Why do you think remembering the past is important?

3 Reasons to keep my marriage with Kim thriving, the sacrificial love burning, and lifelong devotion always before us...

1. Caleb (age 11)
2. Chase (age 7)
3. Ayden (age 4)
   

Three Things I Love About My Mom (Part 2)

Read Part 1 here.

2. She taught me to pursue a "because God said so" kind of faith.

One of the most oft-repeated phrases of most moms is "because I said so." My mom said those words her share of times for sure! But mom often took it one step further and instilled in me a "because God said so," faith. The leading question, spoken or unspoken, when making a decision was, "what would God want us to do?"

I had the distinct advantage of growing up in a home where faith was a very active influence. My parents truly decided to follow Christ wholeheartedly when I was 5 or so, so my formative years were filled with an energized faith component.

Dad was discovering the adventure of life-altering changes from a hot-tempered, foul-mouthed football coach to a radical follower of Jesus. And mom was discovering the joys of following Christ day by day and involving herself in the ministry of a local church and life-giving Christian relationships.

I love the passage in Luke 5 when Jesus approaches the disciples, expert fisherman, and gives them some fishing advice. You can imagine how this encounter could go south. A carpenter telling fishermen how to fish! But I think Luke 5:5 contains 5 words that can transform a person's life forever. It comes in Peter's response to Jesus giving him this advice, he says, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."

But because you say so...

What a great lesson in obedience. Everything inside me is saying, "I don't think this is right, I'm sure you're wrong Lord, this is my area God - this is my job, this is my family, this is my purchase, this is my decision ... but because you say so.

Mom taught me this same lesson - that success or failure as a Christ follower is contained in my ability to get my head around those 5 words.

Three Things I Love About My Mom (Part 1)

There are two things that every one of us has in common no matter where in the world you're from. One is that we’re all going to die. The other (which is slightly more encouraging for most) is that we all have a mom. My mom is amazing. I just want to remember some of the things that I’ve learned from mom that have served me well over the years, and I hope that reading my ramblings will encourage you to do the same.

1. She taught me about her middle name.
My mom's middle name is Joy. Cynthia Joy Sanford. I am in a long line of generations who make their eyes disappear when they smile. I inherited this trait from my mom. Whenever we smile - our eyes go away. And I'm proud to say that it happens a lot. My mom taught me joy.

She taught me to have a sense of humor, that laughter is an ally. She taught me to not take myself too seriously. If you know me at all - you know that I love to laugh. I got this from my mom. Moms, one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids is a demonstration of what joy looks like. Bring joy to your homes.

We named our little girl Ayden Joy Sanford. There are already signs as she gets older (she's 4), that her eyes will be disappearing too.

3 Questions to Ask Before You Judge Someone's Behavior

I deal with sinners up close and personal every day - so I've got some experience. OK, OK - my main experience with this issue comes from being a sinner myself. But this week I dealt with a situation in which one person was judging another person's behavior, pretty harshly, from a distance.

It made me think of a few questions to ask before we jump in the arena and start judging other people's behavior:

1. Do I know their story? There is always a back story to someone's behavior. Usually the more we know about a person's story, the more compassion overtakes judgment.
2. What would my reaction be if I liked them? Usually we judge people from a distance that we don't really care for. Replace the person you are judging with your best friend and see if your attitude doesn't change.
3. What if the sin they were struggling with was the same one I struggle with? Most of us tend to be fiercely forgiving of our own shortcomings. It's easy to judge someone who is a drug addict when you don't deal with drug addiction yourself. Imagine that their sin was your sin of choice and hopefully a little more patience will develop in you.
   

How to Fix Your Meetings

Seth Godin had a great post on this topic and listed out 9 ways to get serious about your meeting problem. He admits that these ideas are simply marketing - just a show to demonstrate to your team that you are serious about getting your meetings under control. I'm going to try a couple of his ideas. Here were my three favorites:

1. Understand that all problems are not the same. So why are your meetings? Does every issue deserve an hour? Why is there a default length? Bring an egg timer to the meeting. When it goes off, you're done. Not your fault, it's the timer's. (OK I combined 2 here!)
   
2. The organizer of the meeting is required to send a short email summary, with action items, to every attendee within ten minutes of the end of the meeting.
3. Create a public space (either a big piece of poster board or a simple online page) that allows attendees to rate meetings and their organizers on a scale of 1 to 5 in terms of usefulness. Just a simple box where everyone can write a number. Watch what happens.

Good stuff. In your estimation what are some keys to getting meetings under control?

You Know You're Living in 2009 When...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You email the person who works at the desk next to you.
3. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

Thanks to Kem Meyer for the post - you can read some more at her site.

A Few Quotes from UNLEASH Session #1

Perry Nobel, the Sr. Pastor of Newspring Church, threw it down in the first main session of the UNLEASH conference that I'm attending right now. Here are three good quotes.

1. How many of you grandparents in the crowd would give your life to see you grandchildren come to know Jesus? ... How many of you would give up your music style?
   
2. When the church becomes as valuable to us as the stock market, we'll do something about the decline.
3. Christians have consistently used prayer as an excuse for inactivity.

There were a bunch more - but I'm limiting myself to three! If you were at UNLEASH feel free to add on your best quotes.

Making the Most out of Conferences

As we're getting ready to head out for the Unleash Conference for Church Leaders tomorrow - I have been pondering how we can make the most out of this learning experience. One of the challenges that people face is in translating the content, the experience, and the application of all we’ve gained from our time away. My friend Bob Bickford compiled a good list of suggestions to make the most out of training opportunities and conferences. He talks about some of the obvious things like good note taking, using meals to debrief with your team, networking with other like-minded leaders, and good post conference evaluation. But I picked three of the less obvious recommendations that I thought were helpful.

1. What do you think we need to think about? Good conferences raise questions. Be sure to write down the questions you’re beginning to ask and the questions you believe we should be asking as an organization.
2. Take 10-when you return from your conference ask for 10 minutes in the next staff meeting to summarize your experience and new learnings.
3. Divide and Conquer-if you attending the conference with a team, cover multiple sessions and breakouts rather than sticking together…this maximizes your learning and also makes the debriefing sessions varied and interesting.

Any other helpful advice for maximizing the impact of a conference?

How To Spark Initiative in Those You Lead

Ben Arment had a great post this week about this important leadership topic. His premise is that "nine times out of 10, when we complain about lack of initiative in those we lead, it's because we've unintentionally put a lid on it." He lists 5 ways to spark initiative... as always... I picked my favorite 3:

1. Responsibility has to come with authority. Has to.
   
2. Our environments have to be permission-giving. Experimental even.
3. Invite them to the table. People don't try when their opinions don't count.
   

You can check out the other two here.

Things I Enjoyed at Grace Today - March 7-8

We had a great weekend at Grace. Although we were missing a big segment of our college students due to spring break - it was still a phenomenal time with great energy and passionate worship for God. Al was on point, the band was rocking, Gary got dunked, there was "magic" happening in the children's wing, but here are a few of the other highlights for me:

1. Shawn and Stephanie's testimony video - I think we will have this posted at our vimeo site sometime soon, and you need to see it. Stephanie is pregnant with a baby boy named Benjamin who will not be able to survive outside the womb once he is born. It is a moving story of faith and hope.
2. Teaching S.H.A.P.E. - This was week one of our new SHAPE class and it is going to be tremendous. I love the makeup of the class and am pumped about what will happen when this class is unleashed with the knowledge of how God has wired them to serve.
3. Launch of our new strategy to encourage people to arrive on time - I know this is a nerdy Executive Pastor thing to get excited about, but we chose Daylight Savings weekend to unroll our strategy. A new countdown video at the beginning of services, closing of main doors immediately when service starts, ushers redirecting people to use side doors when the service is in progress, etc. The days of allowing lateness to distract those who are on time are over!

Grace readers - what were some of your favorite moments from this weekend?

Ways to Fail as a Team Leader

Church leadership requires a very high level of skill because in most cases the leader is working with volunteers. And recruiting and motivating volunteers requires a completely different skill set and a different level of leadership savvy than recruiting and motivating paid employees. I read a good article by the guys at Leadership Transformations on this topic. You can read all 10 ways to fail as a team leader here. I picked 3.

1. Fill your team with people just like you. Surround yourself with people who think like you do and share similar strengths and weaknesses. Could there be a more ideal team than one made up of multiple versions of you? A variety of gifts and skills on a team is incredibly important - we have such a great mix here at Grace.
2. Ask someone to do a specific job, and then do it yourself. Micromanagement is one of the surest ways to fail as a team leader. The team leader who aims to fail must avoid empowerment at all costs. If you want it done right, you’ve got to do it yourself.
   
3. Conserve affirmation. You don’t want your team members to become arrogant. Use affirming remarks sparingly. Try to space them out as much as you can. If possible, only tell your people you appreciate them once a year at the Christmas party. This is one I have to improve on - I think very highly of my team so often, but am not always quick to express that affirmation.

What are some other ways you've seen team leaders fail, or that you as a team leader have failed?

Leadership Axioms

On my last trip down to the SC (that's South Carolina) - I listened to a podcast by Bill Hybels about his new book Axiom. I had just purchased the book and wanted a little primer before I got into it. It was excellent. Hybels defines axioms as carefully-crafted phrases of just a few words through which leaders can communicate a complex concept, value, or a learned leadership lesson, and these axioms become part of the organization’s culture. They are short repeatable sound bytes that help organizations develop a common leadership language and value system. Here are three that caught my attention:

1. "Can I have an umbrella of mercy?" - We have actually used this one for some time at Grace. It's a phrase that was hatched by the Willow Arts team. It means, “I’m going to propose a high-risk idea, and something in me wishes there was an umbrella of safety over my head to protect me from bad reactions.” Everyone in leadership has felt the emotional risk that comes when a new idea is put out on the table. This phrase asks for some grace from those listening to "hear me out" without judgment.
2. “When something feels funky, engage.” - This was a new one to me, but it resonates deeply. Often when leaders are walking around, they pick up on a hint of something funky going in a particular department. Sometimes they tend to avoid addressing it and hope it will go away or resolve itself. That usually never happens! When something feels funky -even if you can't put your finger on exactly what it is - it's time for a leader to engage.
3. "Check your ego at the door" - Colin Powell developed some axioms that are called the “Powell Principles,” and this is one of them. Hybels noted how every part of this axiom is memorable — especially the visual imagery of arriving at a meeting, walking through the door, checking your ego like a coat, leaving it behind, doing your business, and picking it back up when you leave.

What are some leadership axioms that have been helpful to you?

Socialism and Girl Scout Cookies

A young girl scout (who will remain unidentified but is close to our family) recently went out and sold over 250 boxes of girl scout cookies. She worked her butt off selling cookies (her mom did too!) in the hopes of fully paying for her activities for the rest of the year. She sold the most in her troupe while some other girls sold 10 boxes, 20 boxes, 30 boxes. In the end the leaders announced that all the proceeds that were raised would be distributed evenly among all the girls regardless of how many boxes they sold. The girl who sold 250 boxes would have to pay as much money to attend events as the girls who sold 10 boxes. A couple of observations:

1. Socialism is demotivating - the top seller girl's response to the situation was, "in that case, next year I'll just sell 10 boxes." The idea of having those in authority over you taking that which you worked hard for and redistributing it to others who have not worked as hard breeds bitterness and laziness and it is extremely demotivating.
   
2. Socialism is fundamentally different than and far inferior to generosity - I've always been intrigued with Acts 4:34-35 that says, "There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned lands or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to anyone as he had need." At face value this looks like socialism. The one big difference is that this redistribution happened as a result of the generous hearts of motivated individuals - it wasn't legislated by the apostles. Think of how much better the girl scout scenario would have been if the girl would have been encouraged to share her earnings with the other girls, and then wrestled through the heart issue of generosity. Generosity is contagious once a person tastes it.
3. Socialism has historically failed as an economic system - While it promises prosperity, equality, and security, it has historically led to poverty, misery, and tyranny.

So what's your favorite kind of girl scout cookie? wait... what?

3 Questions Innovators Should be Asking

I've mentioned here and elsewhere that I'm just finishing a book that has been very good called The Invention of Air. It's a little outside the genre of books I normally read but has been a fascinating one. It's a narrative centered around the life and innovations of a pastor in England in the 1700's named Joseph Priestly - a kind of lost figure among the founding fathers of America. He was highly influential in the lives of Franklin, Adams, and Jefferson. He was also a key figure in other fields -he played a critical role in the discovery of pure oxygen, the discovery of ecosystems science and the process of photosynthesis, he was the founder of the Unitarian Church, and as I said earlier, played a critical role in the politics of the American Revolution. Not bad for a life's work. I must say plainly that I believe that theologically he is a heretic in the first variety. Nonetheless I've learned a lot from the example of his life and one angle has centered around the process of innovation. Inspired by the life of Joseph Priestly here are three questions I think innovators should be asking themselves:

1. Am I creating enough down time to innovate? The spikes in Priestly's innovative genius and influence occurred during the seasons of his life where he had the most free time. I know there are limits to this in our modern reality. Most of us can't just work 1-2 hours per day like he did and devote the rest of our time to innovation, invention, and new ideas. But there are smaller ways that we can create space and time to innovate. I need to be diligent about creating more.
   
2. Do I have people around me that will help to give my ideas wings? Priestly was a part of the 18th Century British coffeehouse culture which proved a gathering place for very smart and like-minded thinkers from a variety of disciplines who gathered regularly to share and build upon each others ideas. Priestly was incredibly unselfish with his ideas and far less concerned about getting credit than getting at the truth of the next big innovation.
3. What are the fatal flaws in the existing models? Priestly consistently looked for inconsistencies in the current ways of thinking, be it chemistry, or thermodynamics, or theology, or politics. And then let his curiosity run wild as he explored other methods, theories, or explanations for what was happening. These alternative explanations ultimately led to paradigm shifts in all of these areas.

What are some helpful questions that you ask to fuel your innovative side?

Reasons Disney is So Stinking Successful

1. Every employee is in customer service - all the way down to the guys changing the trash bags. It's amazing how committed they are to this.

2. They manage the quality of your experience from beginning to end. They leave absolutely nothing to chance. They built their own highway system down here for heavens sake. Just to make sure that the feeling you get when you drive through those arches and the signage to get you to the right places is absolutely perfect.

3. They're a cult ... or something... I mean it's just scary... these guys are going to rule the world someday... and I for one... just might follow them...

Courage Is

Been collecting some quotes about courage lately for some reason. Here are three of my favorites.

1. "Courage is knowing that you are indestructible until God’s work is done." unknown
   
2. "Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm" Winston Churchil
3. "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." John Wayne
   

How To Measure Success in Ministry - Part 1

If you are not in ministry - you may not understand how difficult it is to resist the temptation to measure a ministry's success based on "nickles and noses." These two factors can't be ignored (giving and attendance) - but they have become the obsession of many a church leader. Our staff went through a time of training and study today and the topic of success and failure in ministry. We unpacked 1 Thessalonians 2:1-6ff which contains the only usage of the word "failure" in the New Testament. Paul said that his ministry to the church in Thessalonica was "not a failure." He then goes on to list some unusual evidence to support his argument. He doesn't talk about numbers of converts, or start up churches. He mentions 3 marks of "success":

1. His own character (2:3-11 - the bulk of Paul's argument is based on the purity of his motives and character.)
2. The gospel was preached (2:2)
   
3. Lives were changed (2:14-15)

Thanks to conference notes from some folks who attended Innovation 3 which became a great launching pad for our conversation.

Things I Like About our New President

I may not agree with all his policies and I'm sure there are still many difficult times ahead, but in these days of enthusiasm and hope - I've been considering a few things that I like about President Obama.

1. He uses words well. If you know me, you know that I love words. I love when things are well crafted - and I'm anal about wordsmithing my messages when I speak. His speeches have been amazing throughout the campaign and inauguration. And with his words, President Obama has the power to envision, embolden, and inspire an entire nation. And with those same words he has the ability to do great harm (as we all do). I pray that he wields his most powerful weapon with wisdom and skill.

2. He uses technology well. It is well-documented that Obama's presidential campaign has changed the paradigm of how to run for office in the United States. His use of email, social networking, youtube, and a variety of other technologies has been astounding. And not just for fundraising purposes but for vision casting, soliciting feedback, building momentum, creating intrigue, it's been fascinating to watch. He will hopefully provide unparalleled access to the White House and the presidency through technology.

3. He's an African American. This is a weird to say that I like about him in that it is not a character quality or something that he has chosen. However, in talking to a number of my African American friends - the affect that President Obama's elecion has had on the mindset and psyche of young black kids across this nation will only be known a few generations from now. All I know is that it seems to have unlocked something in their minds that will allow them to dream bigger dreams, and that makes me happy. I pray that starting now, those dreams will begin to have a positive affect in cities and towns across this great land.

No bashing on this blog- so what are some things you like and admire about our new President? Also, stay tuned for a post about some things that I like about George Bush...